LIFE UPDATE YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAHHHH!!!! 7/17/2024

its been bad. im not even gonna lie its been really bad as of late & my health is failing me slowly but surely & im not too sure if i care as much as i should about it. im getting hooked up to a heart monitor soon for 24hours so thatll be fun. looking forward to that tbh. ive been kind of "self isolating" but its mostly out of my control because i dont know how to talk to people anymore! fun times^_^! im not sure what im going to do in the future im off all of the medication that was actually making life worth living again. because they all seem to hurt my heart i guess.! whatever. ill figure it out & if i dont ill just die.

i hope that some day soon i can look back at this journal entry & wonder how i couldve gotten this low again. i doubt that will happen anytime soon, though. it sucks! this sucks! sorry to openly vent on here ACTUALLY NO IM NOT because this is MY journal entry...yayyyyy i want to KILL MYSELF!!!!!! AAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!

trying not to fall back into destructive coping mechanisms bc im going to be examined quite a lot soon. if u get what im saying.

i havent been talking to anyone on much of a personal level lately. i feel like a stranger to everyone right now & i dont like it at all. no one knows me but i desperately want them to. i dont know how to make friends & i think its too late for me to learn. i wish i spent my time differently. whatever

thanks for reading